what hurts most, is that when you finally slow down enough, have time to think, you realize you are completely empty inside.
empty, empty, nothing

all the things you focus on, they don't matter really.
but the fear of not having the most mundane, pointless things in your life is worse than not living fully.
the things that are holding you back,also happen to be the things that keep you from drowning.

I am scared.